Two More.

I have two books up for review today:



The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God's Eyes by Robert S. McGee (No relation to the Bobby McGee of the famous Janis Joplin song)

and



What Women Wish You Knew About Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships by Stephen W. Simpson

I'm reviewing these two books together because they contain very similar ideas. I know what you're thinking--on the surface, they don't appear to have much to do with each other. But I've learned through reading them and through my experiences that the subjects of these two books are inextricably linked. More specifically, a proper perspective of one's own self-worth is one of, if not the most vital component of healthy relationships. And so it is by a quite happy coincidence that I happened to stumble upon these books at around the same time.

McGee's book, The Search for Significance, may at first seem like a fluffy, feel-good, Christian self-encouragement book. At least, that was my first impression. The only reason I gave it a shot was because it was recommended to me by a trustworthy source. When I read it, I discovered that it wasn't about just making you feel good about yourself. It's about correcting the deep-seated self-perception issues that often lie at the root of our most unflattering behaviors.

Reading the book is a lot like reading an instruction manual about yourself. You'll often have moments of thinking, "OH! So, THAT'S why I respond [this certain way] every time someone does [this certain action] to me.

And once you read it, a lot of it seems like it should have been so obvious, but I think we mostly just don't realize that there's actually something we can do about this stuff. And like I said earlier, the solution is not simply to encourage ourselves and make us feel "special." The solution is a sober perspective about the true nature of God's forgiveness and grace, which is a humbling perspective, but at the same time allows us to live our lives without constant worry about deriving our self-worth from the opinions of others, living up to expectations, succeeding at our work, etc.

Dr. Simpson's book, What Women Wish You Knew About Dating, could almost be described as McGee's book applied to dating. It's addressed to men (as indicated by the title, although it has some cool sidebars for the ladies as well), and Simpson places a heavy emphasis on developing a sense of confidence and strong self-identity before pursuing a serious relationship.

I picked this up after reading Donald Miller's recommendation on his blog, in which he says that this is the book he wishes he had read when he was in his 20's. Dr. Simpson spends a good portion of the book talking about this idea of becoming your own man, then in the rest of the book he gives specific advice concerning the process of asking a girl out, the first 3 dates, and a little about what to do when the relationship becomes serious.

As far as Christian dating books go, I haven't read many, but this one is refreshing because it goes well beyond simple do's and don'ts. The first few chapters on what it means to develop into a godly, mature man are especially good, and would be useful to any man, regardless of whether you are currently dating, trying to date, or not even thinking about dating.

These two books have been an invaluable contribution to my spiritual growth over the last couple of months. They have challenged me to leave childish ways behind me, to take responsibility for my life, and to work on becoming the man that God has created me to be. This is the kind of manhood I can work with. It has nothing to do with being macho; it's simply about being mature. It's hard, but I'm finding that taking full responsibility for one's own life is the only way to truly live. And, as a side benefit, it makes you into the kind of man that a good woman could see herself marrying. : )